We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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my liver is dry heaving
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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