After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
