If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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