Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
