If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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