She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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