The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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