So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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