She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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