got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
