Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
