I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
