What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to fling myself into the sun
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
