yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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