You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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