i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
