____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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