anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
