I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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