I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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