Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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