help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
