He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
