There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
