i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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