i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
