I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
