If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
