well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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