be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
