Nicole vs. Life
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
