I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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