how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
