you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He? As in you personified your dick?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
