I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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