Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
