so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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