Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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