She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's like heaven, but drunker
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
