He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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