why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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