just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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