Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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