It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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