I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
