Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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