I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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