In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
