Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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