Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
