So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
