I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
