Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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