He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
