If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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