I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
