I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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