I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
