Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
