dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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