So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize