I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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