What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
