Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love accidental penises.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
