arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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