You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
