ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
