Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
