one two three fourrrrnication!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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