never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
