Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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