Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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