I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
