Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
